Match Previews

Dire Straits Ahead for DC United

Now normally my unitedmania previews are relatively rosy affairs, always with clever and insightful rationalizations to give faint hope to the jaded masses of masochists who expect the worst every matchday, and love to be pleasantly surprised by the rare jewels DC United sometimes creates to justify their rabid support.

Well, this time I got nothing for you lot to hang your hats on. United will lose and lose badly. The forecast is lose Saturday, lose Tuesday, and likely more losing in the weeks to come. Get out your galoshes, it’s going to get deep. Better to spend the weekend with family than watch the carnage sure to unfold in Houston and El Salvador. Better to reconnect with family and friends than end up lamenting the loss of your flat screen to a impetuous bottle fling around about 11:15 Tuesday night.

First of all, DC will be crushed in Houston, no need to even watch that one. It won’t even be close. Houston will be getting back Ching and Holden as well as being hopping mad to have had their home unbeaten streak stolen away by a ridiculously opportunistic Revs side last week. To say they will be motivated to crush and destroy is like saying a shark might be tempted by a stray body part floating too far away from its owner.

And it’s not like DC has any real success in that sauna to build upon either. They’ve not even scored a goal there, much less come close to a win. They did manage a point last year but that 0-0 travesty was an insult to the beautiful game, albeit United’s best result there ever, but no one leaps for joy at finally not losing somewhere. Oh, and the heat index for game time should be right around 107 or so too. That’ll help.

So, after DC flounders impotently under that wet blanket they will be playing in Houston, they then get the joy of moving on to the positively breezy, soaking heat that is El Salvador in summer. Jungles have less humidity than San Salvador in August. In fact, I think El Salvador might actually be a jungle, despite just possibly being slightly more hospitable than a Houston cold snap. Good luck Black and Red! Send a postcard before crawling back home with heat exhaustion.

DC will lose in Houston, no question about it so they might as well lose with their worst players and give themselves a fighting chance at a miracle in San Salvador. Play the skells that drew Firpo a few days ago in Houston against the Dynamo as punishment, then trot out the best available against Firpo and hope to salvage a spot in the group stage of the CONCACAF Champions league, and praise your lucky stars if you manage to pull it off.

Oddly enough DC’s true priorities will be exposed mercilessly by their choices over these next two matches. If they go all out in Houston and punt Firpo, then obviously, they had no intention of really trying to do well in regional competition and instead wanted to give themselves the best chance at domestic hardware. Sadly, that can prove to be so elusive anyway. Just ask NE and Chivas, who punted CCL last year and ended up with nothing to show for their MLS campaigns either. But, we’ll know their intentions either way.

However, I do hope the team realizes that respect in this region is very easily lost to the depths of history. United taking its regional games seriously and continuing to build their reputation in CONCACAF pays dividends long after the fact as players around the region are far more likely to sign with or identify with a team they recognize and respect, then a team that punts its preliminary games in regional competition.

So I say DC should make the supreme effort and give it a decent go in Houston, but pull the plug early if the game isn’t going too well by halftime. Santino coming back into the fold after the Gold Cup and suspension as well as the very promising play of Danny Szetela actually makes this a very doable proposition.

Play Emilio, Moreno (or maybe N’Silu), Wallace, Gomez, Quaranta, Jacobson, Szetela, Burch, Jakovic, Namoff and Wicks in Houston to give yourselves the best shot at breaking that ugly streak of results down there. Then yank Gomez, Emilio and Namoff in the second half if the soccer gods just aren’t smiling on you. If Moreno cramps up after that or whatever else happens, so be it. Losing with 10 or 9 on the field is no different than losing with 11. Just as long as you save the guys that have to play two as old Ernie Banks would say.

That way you can start Emilio, N’Silu (he deserves another shot with a real partner, but I’m also fine with him getting wasted on Houston and then starting Moreno in this match instead), Fred (a new face Firpo will not have prepared for), Gomez, Pontius, Olsen (his leadership could be crucial against a team that’s relatively slow in their buildup), Szetela, Burch, Jakovic, Namoff, and Wicks in El Salvador.

Plus, you still have options as the Firpo game goes along. If it’s going good, then plug in McTavish and DiRaimondo for Gomez and Szetela to lock it down. Or bring in Quaranta if you need a spark, and manage everyone else like triage, worst player walking comes out earliest.

That way you rotate Moreno, Olsen, and your wingers so that each plays little more than a game at most if even that. Your defense other than possibly Namoff does have to suck it up, but Burch and Jakovic are barely in their mid twenties, if they can’t take this schedule, then they need to look with a bit more critical eye on their fitness programs.

Now, Emilio, Gomez, and Szetela as central players with a lot of responsibilities to cover will likely have to pull double duty, especially Emilio who will have to play the full 180 plus if it goes to overtime. But I say with conviction if Emilio, as a well compensated designated player mind you, can’t take two games in 72 hours for the good of the club, in weather no steamier than his native Brazil, and after he’s put on petulant displays for being yanked in recent weeks, then Kasper needs to put in a call to Morelia to see if they still want him at half what they were offering before.

If Gomez can’t or won’t go most of the 180, then he’s lost the heart that had him drumming in the stands in NY, but I refuse to believe that until I see it. Szetela is also being abused a bit with this plan considering he just showed up, but he looks young and fit and what better way to get into the good graces of his new club, plus he gets a rest if things go well in the Firpo match.

However, all that optimistic management strategy just puts United’s best players out there, United still has to actually accomplish their tasks and win the games. I’m telling you right now, no chance that happens. It is a stone cold lock DC loses in Houston, and I’d bet the house they give up a painful and heartbreaking loss in San Salvador. Maybe it’s a cruel late goal to tie that knocks them out, but bottom line is that they will not succeed there or in Houston as painful as that is to admit.

Frankly, I will regain a lot of respect for United if they just actually put themselves in position to win each game. But anyone who seriously expects the next two games to end well needs their head examined. United will drop the deuce. Book it.

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